Towards
Happiness
Towards Happiness
HAPPINESS
A Unique Approach to Happiness
Happiness is a complex state of mind, a product of your personal history and circumstances, and rarely governed by macro-events. It comes and goes kaleidoscopically, assuming no definite shape . . . at least for very long. No quick fix exists, no entirely settled position that provides lasting, reliable comfort notwithstanding life’s uncertainties. Maybe you will achieve a sense of equilibrium (for a while), but it won’t be the same the next time you take stock of where you are.
The Key to Discovering Happiness
Seeking happiness involves constant growth and adaptation. You don't just reach a static point and declare 'I've made it!' In the best-case scenario, you continuously engage in the pursuit of happiness.
The key to discovering and experiencing happiness lies in the ability to make choices that align with your personal needs and goals.
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Each individual must therefore embark on a journey of self-awareness and define what happiness means to them. Essentially, each individual is responsible for carving out their own journey and navigating through their distinct process.
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The secret is to prioritize the individual and their unique circumstances, rather than relying on a one-size-fits-all approach. It is important to begin by understanding the individual's needs and concerns, and then develop a plan that enables them to pursue contentment, peace of mind, and even moments of joy. Ultimately, the focus should be on discovering what brings happiness within the context of your own specific circumstances.
Pursuing happiness, is about recalibrating our needs and expectations to jibe with what's possible.
Dr. Ahron Friedberg
Situational Types of Happiness
I focus on the contextualized and situational types of happiness that we strive to attain at various stages of our lives, often through different types of relationships.
Understanding the complexities of these specific forms of happiness and how they relate to our experiences is a central aspect of my work.
By exploring the nuances of happiness within different contexts and relationships, we can gain a deeper understanding of what brings us fulfillment and how to cultivate it in our lives.
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Sometimes, we are concerned about happiness at work; at other times, sex and love matters most, or family, wellness, or getting old with grace. We can be happy at work, but our love life can be awful. We may be fighting with family or friends, but having great sex. People learn how to find happiness in areas of their lives where it’s lacking. Of course, if you’re unhappy in one area – for example, your health – you could easily be unhappy in others. But even in these complex situations, you can work through specific challenges in particular situations.
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I encourage patients and readers to find a personal pathway, sometimes multiple pathways, towards making the most of where they are.
Contentment is Happiness
You might be wondering: can't your idea of "happiness" include some general markers to provide us with a sense of direction? Absolutely. When individuals experience "happiness," they can anticipate a state of contentment. This means they perceive a harmony between their current life stage and their overall situation. This form of happiness represents a personalized equilibrium, a delicate balance of factors that is distinct for each person. Discovering this equilibrium requires effort, customized to suit a particular aspect of an individual's life.
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However, it's important to note that happiness isn't something that exists on its own; it relies on each individual's deliberate effort to attain it. Every one of us must address personal challenges and conquer obstacles as we strive to reach a state of contentment.
The crucial aspect is developing the ability to take initiative and consciously focus one's mind on whatever is necessary to discover a greater sense of happiness. This may involve finding a sense of purpose at work after feeling adrift, or seeking ways to feel valued and fulfilled in the realm of wellness following retirement. Regardless of the specific circumstances, it is essential to find the motivation to persist. Since the pursuit of happiness is an ongoing journey, the question of motivation and the will to persevere arises continuously.
In any case, you must find the incentive to continue. Because we are always progressing towards happiness. The question of motivation; the will to keep going – always turns up.
The Five Domains of Happiness
Throughout my career as a psychiatrist, I have recognized five domains in which individuals may experience a loss of happiness at some point in their lives and seek to regain it.
The Five Domains of Happiness are:
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Work and Money
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Wellness and Personal Growth
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Sex and Love
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Family and Friends
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Aging
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By addressing these five domains with my patients, and working towards finding balance and fulfillment within them individually, they have, and can reclaim their happiness and lead more satisfying lives.
Work and Money
Pursuing happiness involves our professional lives.
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How do we balance the need to work with all the stress that seems indigenous to a work environment?
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How do we choose an occupation when we love doing one thing but something else pays more?
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Work and sacrifice seem to run in tandem. It is as if taking up a profession, or even just holding a job, is a constant balancing act where personal preference, financial reward, and even ethics are constantly jostling for importance in a complex calculus which changes over the course of our lives.
People struggle to define their relationship to work at various, crucial inflection points along the way. They must adapt to and transcend disappointment. They must find more in work than merely a source of financial security or a way to structure their lives.
Q: WHAT DO WE WANT THE VISITORS TO DO AFTER READING, SCROLLING THROUGH THIS PAGE?
Wellness & Personal Growth
Wellness and personal growth encompass the ongoing development and balance of various aspects of life, including physical, emotional, social, and professional dimensions. It may also involve a spiritual element, characterized by the ability to listen to one's inner voice, live by personal values, and be fully present in all endeavors.
Spiritual well-being is not necessarily tied to religious beliefs but rather encompasses a sense of curiosity and receptiveness to life experiences. It involves understanding and accepting one's own and others' true selves, recognizing opportunities for growth within life's challenges.
Achieving wellness, whether physical or not, requires effort, dedication, and a willingness to extend care and consideration beyond oneself.
Sex & Love
The Five Domains of Happiness
At various times in our lives, we struggle with passions that we may not understand but that still seem to control us. We think “Well, if I understood this feeling, maybe it wouldn’t be love – and I don’t even want to understand sex.” Nonetheless, such impulses can drive us to distraction, sometimes to the point where we cannot really cope with any aspect of our lives. So, the question becomes: how do we sustain the intensity of these feelings (which can be immensely pleasurable) while keeping them from wreaking havoc?
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How do we learn to love generously, and to approach sex so that no one is emotionally damaged?
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How do we balance intense relationships with everything else in our lives (which sometimes include conflicting relationships)?
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How do we resolve feelings of guilt?
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My patients have struggled towards answers.
Family & Friends
“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
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― Euripides
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What does family even mean anymore, when so many of our relationships are intentional, provisional, and based on what we need in the moment? What do we owe to our friends, or they to us? Sometimes, it just seems like all these people are just “others” who get on our nerves, stand in our way, and make demands based on unwarranted assumptions. Yet without other people, we would be isolated and alone.
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How do we navigate this extensive community towards whose members we have such varied affinities?
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How can we act responsibly?
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How establish intimacies that can sustain us?
Every relationship is different, and they all evolve. What is it that we want from these relationships, and how can we learn to give, to be empathetic?
Aging
No one enjoys the process of aging with its limitations and health issues, but it is an inevitable part of life. The effects of aging encompass every aspect of our existence, as mentioned earlier. The real challenge lies in preserving our self-esteem, even when it seems that we have become less important (not to mention less appealing, less physically fit, and possibly less capable). It's easy to feel disheartened, but it is indeed possible to uncover new avenues that lead to a sense of usefulness, contentment, and even fulfillment. As our world gradually narrows down to the boundaries of our own bodies, we can discover ways to maintain a connection with the broader world. We can learn to embrace our current stage in life and then maximize its potential through adaptation and contributing to others.
Happiness is a Dynamic State
When I work with individuals facing these challenges, I meet them where they are on a spectrum that leads to happiness in different aspects of their lives. The path they embark on may seem never-ending, as they are not always certain they will reach their desired destination. They might even be unsure of where exactly they want to be. However, as a healer, I reassure them that it's perfectly alright to feel this way. Happiness is a dynamic state that fluctuates, requiring us to constantly readjust our pursuit.
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As a healer, I strive to empower people and encourage them to take positive steps forward. By breaking free from the habits and tendencies that have contributed to their unhappiness, they begin to experience a sense of progress. This sense of progress can uplift their spirits, making them feel considerably better and happier.
Would You Like to Know More?
The pursuit of happiness is a journey filled with complexity and twists and turns.
If you're interested in learning more about this topic, we invite you to send Ahron Friedberg M.D. your questions at Office@towardshappiness.net
Dr. A makes it a priority to respond to readers' questions regularly.
Additionally, you can follow Ahron Friedberg M.D.'s column in Psychology Today or consider purchasing the book Towards Happiness.
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